Gilbert is the Jambion

Gilbert sailing in fanfare

Do you see the smiling fella at the top of that winners’ stairs? The guy proudly raising his hands in a victorious gesture and swimming in fanfare? His name is Mr. Gilbert Langat. He emerged the winner after a four- year-race in the BSc Statistics Course. A clean First Class Honours. From THE University of Nairobi. He is now a jambion. He beat all of us. He beat me, he beat Serengeti Kimiti, he beat Muraya(that short guy with a long story), he beat Kanyora Mwangi (that short pastor from Kimende,Limuru) and of course he beat Brian Omachi ( the one and only true jaluo South of the Sahara and North of the River Limpopo). Gilbert Langat is the shit while the rest of us are just shit. He emerged the most superbly mature fella in Anovas and other filthy garbage that Manene and his cronies fed us with at the School of Mathematics. 

Having been in a class with Gilbert taught me that I should never compete with Kales in anything. They will always beat you; ten-nil. In our first and second years at the varsity, Gilbert wasn’t much of an academic giant. He was the average type of guy. That guy that you would never look at twice. That guy that you would never borrow chumvi from because he was always broke. Inconspicuous and unnoticeable. But look at him now, he is sailing in finesse. Aura and admiration.  He waited till the last two laps and just like his village neighbor, athlete David Rudisha, won the race. Right now, the nigger is smiling triumphantly and saying,

Put your hands together for the jambion

” I emerched the jambion.”

And now, ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for our first runners-up; Lucy Gathoni. She is the stoic and resplendent lady who gave Gilbert a run for his success. She too scooped the most coveted award at the varsity; the First Class Honours. We never knew that she could run first until she proved us all wrong. But she has done it. Lucy: You. Are. The. Lady! I salute you. You too are superbly mature. You stood the test of time. You were unbowed and unmoved. You were resilient and beat all those men (including me).  Tongue in cheek, I am tempted to say that you are a Lucy Kibaki incarnate.  

The sky is the limit for the two of you. 

Well, for some of us, the roof is the limit as far as mathematical courses are concerned. We have divorced our statistical ambitions. We have aborted them. We shall go and try to explore other mine fields. I hear Brian Omachi is coming in January to do a Sociology with IT course. Brian, go boy, go! Vincent Muraya will earnestly follow him doing a Gender and Business Management course. Muraya, your dreams are valid.  I will not be left behind. I too will come to do a Pedagogical Motivation course at American Wing.

Anyway, Gilbert and Lucy, we shall be meeting soon at the University of Nairobi but never shall we come back to Chiromo. Say hi to Manene on our behalf when you meet him. And do tell Dr. Kipchirchir to shave off his bushy scary moustache. Some of us did not fail in Statistics because we were academic dwarfs. No, that moustache scared us so much that we were unable to finish our papers. It gave us jittery psychological trauma.

The rest of the class trickled down after Gilbert and Lucy. We followed them meekly. Later on, we came to realize that this First Class Honours thing was in line with the Jubilee administration. It had to be scooped by two people; one from Central while the other had to come from ELgeyo Marakwet. Ok, we are not complaining. In fact, we shall not complain. We are just going to accept defeat and move on with our lives. We promise not to go to the Supreme Court. We will not go to South Africa on 29^th August as Magoha hugs the two of you and calls you his children. No, we shall be there and witness that auspicious occasion. Jeff Ogoti will take snapshots of you as the VC gives you the academic embrace. We will congratulate you. Gilbert, ladies will hug you as we hug Lucy. 

We will not hold any Sabasaba rallies to vainly intimidate you. All that we will do is ask you to hold a peaceful dialogue with us any time your legs stumble on green pastures. If you invite us for tea in your First Class house, we shall gladly come with mandazis stacked in our pockets.

Of course, there are those who didn’t satisfy the examiners’ hungry appetite and have to repeat. But C’mon guys, take heart. Some of these lecturers are just too gluttonous and never seem to get satisfied even when you cook them the best dishes in town. At times, I wonder what they want. Maybe, you have been making them quality dishes while all that they want (read Dr. Nderitu) is quantity dishes. So the next time you go back to Chiromo, show them the mettle you are made of. Show them that you are  metrosexual dudes full of machoism and valour. Show them that you are elegant and classy ladies.

We shall talk more on 29^th August.