A New Job

I know that you guys are hungry. Yes, I can see that from the way you yawn.The way you look at me with those dreamy eyes as though I have starved you for three weeks. Well, it is only last week that I didn’t cook. And I didn’t just do that intentionally. No, I would have loved to cook you a sumptuous meal; a meal so delectable that you would count yourself lucky to even be overwhelmed by its aroma. But that wasn’t just possible. There were no garlic, onions or dhanias in the kitchen. Aroma had gone out, and you guys know how well I hate cooking people meals without seasonings.

This week too, things are not very rosy for you. I can’t write. My hands are tied. And it will take ages before they get untied-- that is before I get a workplan to post more on this blog. Well, stop gasping and looking at me as though I am an ant wriggling in your sumptuous meal. I ain’t an ant. All that I am,is a guy who makes the meal. Let me break this….I got a job.

He is Reliable; I have seen it.

Yap, after that colorful graduation in Kanyayo village, someone was kind enough to look at my CV. They called and asked me what else I did in campus apart from pursuing Statistics. You should have seen me as I walked in for the interview. Looking confident. Straight shoulders. Head held high. Dressed to kill in a white shirt that intimidated the HR. And so the interview started.

“ So what other academic qualifications apart from a degree in Statistics do you have?”

“ I sang soprano in the choir.”

“ Ok, I am not interested in the co-curricular activities you were involved in. I want to know what other qualifications you have?”

“ I stayed in Hall Ten at the premier institution of academic excellence”

“ Mmmh...[he smiled a bit. I guess he thought he was dealing with a  lunatic] “Anything else?”

“No”

“ Okay, the kind of person we want in this company is one who is averse with current trends in the world. Do you know Kinyanjui Kombani?”

“ No,” I replied curtly.   

                                           

“ Well, I am afraid that we cannot hire you.”

“ No, do not be afraid of me. Let me ask you; do you know Serengeti?”

“ No, who is Serengeti?”

“ You do not know  Serengeti. I am also afraid. The way you do not know Serengeti is the same way I do not know your Kinyanjui Kombani”

Ok, after such much rumbling, the HR gave me the job. It is an editing job in Thika. He gave me the job because he was elated to hear that a young graduate like me has a hotel. He was inspired. Maybe, one day, he will visit this hotel and savour the ngwacis that we make here. When he does finally come, I want you to be prepared. Make sure that you are dressed in your best attires. Even if you have mitumba clothes, make sure that they are well pressed. Brush your teeth boys on that day. And when eating, avoid talking. Avoid sneezing and nose-digging.

Burn that copy man

Job Bash

Now that we have a somewhat fixed source of income, I think it is high time that we rounded up and celebrated. Yes, tonight, everything will get extra uji from this hotel. All the boys will get more beans than we usually serve you with.But make sure that you take it with pepper. Beans is not very stomach-friendly. Girls, you will all have extra ndengu. Yes, you ladies are classy. I cannot dare serve you beans. No, I ain't that foolish.

But before anything else, we have to close our eyes and pray. Because God has given us both the yam and the knife. So we can cut it. And eat. Yes, he is gracious and he has been with us all along. All along since we started baby steps in writing for St. Paul's Theatre. May his name be praised. Praise you Jesus, thank you Jesus.

Anyway, with that said, things are a bit tight for me. I have to do things on a deadline. I have to make this ugali that I am making you really quick. I have to be brutal with my talent as I quickly adopt to the work environment and learn fast how to do things.

Though we are going to make the frequency of cooking meals less regular, once in a while we shall try to do something. We shall also try to incorporate other authors the likes of Ritho into the train. You remember Ritho, the guy who couldn’t swim because he didn’t have a clean swimsuit? Yes, that one. That one with a semi-bald head and nice-nice spectacles. He shall be more frequent. We shall also train more writers to come and share their tales.

PS: Anytime you come to Thika and you are short on fare or lunch money, call me. I will see you and tell you that people survive that way in Thika. Yes, though am not going to offer any financial support, I can always offer moral support. That’s cool, ain’t it?